Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.
I don't know if this prayer was comforting to David as he wrote it, but frankly it scares the mess out of me. I have deep down never trusted that my heart or my intentions are good. I have always thought that my heart was full of wickedness. This might be part of how i grew up, with a mom that often criticized me, and still recalls the sins of my youth.
However, I still have this feeling today. I don't want my heart searched, because i am afraid of what may be found. I want the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart to be acceptable to God. I pray Cleanse me from secret faults (Psalm 19), but I also pray that my secret faults remain secret.
Lord, I know that no sin is too big for you to forgive. No error so wrong that you cannot correct. I pray Lord that you give me the strength and the courage to allow you into the inner parts of my heart. Purge me from wrong thinking and lead me in your ways.
